Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
