and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
