I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
