my room smells like sperm. sweet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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