there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
