you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
