he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
