Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
