shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
