I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
