I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
