im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
