i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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