The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
