im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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