is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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