Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
