I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
