Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
