I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
