hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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