She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
