I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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