Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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