i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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