Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
