3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
