I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
