i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
