paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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