just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
