Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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