I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
