i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
