clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
