Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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