Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
