if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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