I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
