I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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