Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
