I just pynch a tree in the face
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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