It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
