He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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