no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
