I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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