Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
