When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
