I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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