im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
sarcasm needs its own font
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
