mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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