Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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