I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
