it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
